Best-selling author Larry Winget, Your Kids Are Your Own Fault,
2010 says: “Our kids are a mess! They are overmedicated,
overindulged, overweight, over-entertained, under-educated,
underachieving, under-disciplined, disrespectful, illiterate brats
with a sense of entitlement that is crippling our society.”
If you agree, then the first place to look is at yourself.
Are You Giving Your Kids Too Much?
Do you give your kids permission to:
- Be disrespectful? To you, your spouse,
others?
- Give you arguments about everything you ask
them to do?
- Not follow through on chores, homework?
- Watch too much TV, spend too much time on the
computer?
- Have too much stuff, e.g., electronics,
latest gadgets, games, and own cars they don’t pay for?
- Have no curfews?
And we’re not just talking about teenagers. We’re referring
to toddlers and 6-year olds too!
Developing responsible kids means helping them to become
trustworthy and accountable for their actions. This begins at an
early age. It takes lots of work and patience but it will be
worth it for both your child and you as well!
Building Responsible Kids Starts with
YOU!
You are in charge. You want to be a good
parent. You know that is the most important job you have and it
is also the most confusing and difficult, no matter how many
books you read.
You are also overwhelmed with so many demands
from work, keeping your job or finding one, paying the bills,
keeping your spouse/partner happy, family life, social life,
being successful, finding some time to relax, etc.
And then you come home to a child or teen who says “NO!” He
doesn’t like what you prepared for supper; or she leaves her
room a mess and there is always an excuse; or he doesn’t show up
on time or says, “you’re ruining my life because all the other
kids..……” (fill in the blank).
Then you either give in to their demands
because you’re just too wiped out to deal with the problem or
you start screaming. Either of these choices makes you feel
badly. You know they weren’t good decisions and you weren’t in
control. Your child was, and you just gave away your control to
a toddler, a 5-year old or 14-year old!
Taking Care of Yourself Is Step #1
Did you know that when you are really
stressed, you become overwhelmed and are incapable of making
rational decisions (although you may think these decisions are
rational). The neurons in the cells of your body shut down from
being overworked, and emotional/physical burnout happens.
If the stresses in your life are pushing you to the point of
exhaustion, temper flare-ups, depression, etc., stop, sit down
and breathe. Yes, you can stop. What if you were sick or in an
accident – stop before that happens! Take some time and ask
yourself what is really important to you. You have choices and
you can’t do it all. Get help and support. Give yourself a
break.
Humans weren’t created to live at the pace we
live at today.
You are the role model and your children need a healthy, sane
parent to help them in an insane world of "be, do, have more" no
matter what the cost or who you hurt. What do YOU need to be
content and healthy? Really.
Did You Know?
- Your kids need to know failure and that
they may get hurt. You love your children, you want the best
for them and you want to protect them. However, they also need
to learn to survive in the world on their own. You start with
appropriate and safe risks when they are young while teaching
them the skills they will need on the playground and in school.
Later you allow them to fail when they don’t do their homework
and or write that college application themselves and face the
consequences. Often that’s the only way they learn, by falling
and getting up again, and again. Hasn’t that been so for you?
- If you want your children to follow the
rules, maintain the rules
- Children need rules. Establish
rules and appropriate consequences. How are you
communicating: boundaries, expectations, love? Help them
understand that rules are to be followed and that there will
be consequences if they are not. This will encourage them to
become responsible for their actions. Whether your
kids are teenagers or toddlers, they need rules,
expectations, limitations, and consequences. They also need
to know that you love them. Period
- Rules should be understandable,
consistent and not negotiable. Be consistent even
if you want to change your mind. It is also especially
important to let your child know that you love them,
especially when you need to say “No” over and over again.
With love, not anger, in your voice. Explain what the
rule is before they break it. Repeat what the rule is so
that they get it; be consistent with the consequences when
they breaks the rule. No yelling or screaming is necessary.
That’s the rule – even with toddlers. For example: You
have a rule with your two-year old that you have explained
to her many times, if she starts whining or screaming when
she doesn’t get her way, there will be a time-out and she
will have to sit in the corner or go to her room for 5
minutes. There’s no negotiating. And, so when she starts to
whine, you ask her if she wants to continue whining or
playing. It’s her choice. Whining means “time out” - playing
means fun. You can even act as if those are the rules
that have been established by some outside source and you
can’t do anything about them. They are not negotiable.
Once you start negotiating the rules with your child/teen,
you loose.
- Your kids cannot reason as an adult, so
don’t expect them to understand or agree with your rules. They
won’t like them. Scientific research and brain scans have
concluded that the fully functioning and reasoning adult brain
isn’t completely formed until around the age of 23. This is
important information to remember when raising children. Your
kids cannot understand or be responsible in ways that you can.
- No one likes to do chores. Your child
doesn’t and you don’t either. However, even from an early age,
kids are capable of putting away their toys and helping with
simple tasks. Completing chores gives them a feeling of
accomplishment and self-sufficiency, which adds to their
self-esteem! It also teaches them how to be responsible.
- Your children need to understand money,
earning it, saving it, and spending it.
Do you give them whatever they ask for? And, if so, how is this
helping or hurting your child? What values are you instilling in
them?
Encourage your kids to earn and manage money. Developing a good
work ethic and learning to manage money is key to becoming a
responsible adult. Give them opportunities to earn money while
they are still young. When they become teens, you can help them
find part-time work. Teach them to save a portion of their
earnings. Help them start checking and savings accounts, and
encourage them to begin putting money away for toys they want
when they are young, or a cell phone, car/insurance, clothes or
college when they are teens.
Are you wrapped up in the never-ending obsession for more –
stuff, food, money, etc.? And how does that influence your
child? You are their role models. Do you walk your talk?
- If you want your kids to talk to you about
their lives, listen. What do you talk about at night with
your family? Do you ask them about their day? Do you sit down to
meals together or is it just logistics – getting them from place
to place, making sure they do homework, activities, jobs? How
much real time do they have with you?
When your child talks to you about his day or opinions, listen
without interfering or criticizing. Just listen. You don’t have
to agree, but you do need to listen….if you want them to talk to
you, really. Be their guide rather than their director. Kids and
grownups want to share themselves; but they won’t if they don’t
feel safe and trust you….even/especially if you’re their parent.
- How are you teaching respect, kindness,
compassion? Again, you are your child’s role model.
- If you are respectful of others, your
children will be. What is the tone of your voice when
you speak to them? Is it loving or angry? Is the kidding
around in love, and do you stop when they say, “Enough.”? Do
you criticize your kids in public? How mortifying for them
when someone does.
- Help your child develop concern for
others. Teach her to share and to think of others’ feelings.
Insist that she treat others in a kindly and respectful
manner. Explain how important it is not to hurt others’
feelings and to be kind.
PS: Many of you can be proud of the great
kids you are raising!
Thought For The Day
Putting off an easy thing makes it hard. Putting off a
hard thing makes it impossible.
– George Claude Lorimer
Your three best doctors are faith, time and patience.
– Chinese fortune cookie.
Why should you refer your family and friends to Tony's Body Shop?
What we offer with every repair job:
- Guaranteed color match
- Accurate panel to panel alignment
- Repairing the vehicle to a safe condition
Your 100% satisfaction is our goal.
At Tony's Body Shop you can still find service, a smile, and a sincere thank you if you allow us to service your auto body needs.
Please feel free to call us if we can be of help or guide you in any way.
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