If you want to turn your life around, feel good about yourself,
and let go of the stuff that keeps you stuck, try changing the
stories that you tell yourself and others about your life.
In his book,
Choose Your Story, Choose Your Life, author and businessman Dean
Erickson demonstrates how your personal story, the version you use
to describe your life, often comes from some of the worst events of
your past, and can negatively affect your present and future.
What you say and how
you think influences how you feel and act
When someone asks you about yourself, you can choose your
best story or the one that brings both of you down. Your story
is the one you tell when someone says, “Tell me about yourself.”
Your story depends on the situation. You tell a different story
for a job interview than on a first date.
We all have stories about our lives: stories that show us
victorious, stories that show us as victims and those that show
our resentments and bitterness.
You can choose to talk about how hard life has been for you,
or you can choose to talk about some of your successes. You can
talk about the beautiful safe town you grew up in and the number
of kids in your family, what sports you played in high school,
where you went to college, your first job and what you learned
from it, etc. Or you can choose to talk about your alcoholic
parents, your feelings of being different, how you didn’t get
into the school of your choice, how you were fired from your
first job, and how you failed. The power of “Choice”- you get to
choose. . .
You
may be disappointed if you fail, but you are doomed if you don’t try
(Beverly Sills)
Successful People Fail Too
There are many successful people who failed many times before
reaching their goals. From Charles Darwin, Walt Disney, Orville
and Wilbur Wright, to Michael Jordan, Babe Ruth, and others.
Many of the greats also suffered depression, failed businesses,
perceived laziness and unhappy childhoods.
What was their secret to keeping on despite their many
setbacks? They learned from these setbacks, focused on their
goal and created another story for their lives.
Failure means:
“Not reaching your goal by a certain date.” That’s all
it means. To succeed: “Change the date."
(Anne Gilman)
In his book, Erickson points out that
we have "choices" in writing our story, which helps us make
"choices" about how our life turns out. He says that the best
way to get the most out of one's life is to reflect on how you
would like your life story to go and use that as a goal to make
that happen. What kind of work, relationships, home, and fun
activities do you really want?
Sometimes will power and positive
thinking seem too hard or don’t seem to work at all. Sometimes
letting go of the bad stuff seems hard when those internal
voices of pain and memory run rampant. However, you don’t really
want to continue listening to those voices, do you? Wouldn’t you
rather be happy and successful?
Good Thinking In, Good Thinking Out
It’s important to put good
thinking in and good thinking out. Did you graduate high school?
You’re a success. Growing up is difficult for everyone, and more
painful for some than others, due to no fault of their own.
Hardships made you stronger and wove good stuff into the fiber
of whom you are. You are the sum of your parts and your
experiences, but some parts and experiences have been better
than others.
Here are some exercises Erickson
offers for choosing the story you really want to focus on:
-
Exercise #1: Name 3 of the best events in your life.
-
Exercise #2: Name 3 of the worst events.
-
Exercise
#3: Name 3 other events.
After you
jot down what these nine things are, write a very short story about each
of these events, and note how you feel. If writing isn’t your thing,
speak them into a tape recorder and then listen. How do you feel later
when you read or listen to each of these stories. Which make you feel
better? The stories from Exercise 1, I’ll bet.
You don’t have to let others define who
you are and what you can do. How could they possibly know? They aren’t
you
Stop the Blame and Worry
You also don’t have to blame yourself
or others. It doesn’t do you any good and whatever happened is over.
Really. Things happen. What were their/your choices then, and then
is in the past. Now is what is significant. Your life and well-being
are what touches you and others every day.
You don’t have to worry either. Worry
is based on fear, but worry implies that the worrier has some
ability to change someone or something. It implies that the worrier
has power or control far from reality. They think that by worrying,
they’re doing something useful, which they aren’t. They are just in
their heads worrying and making themselves (and others) miserable
and stressed. Think about this.
“God,
grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the
courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the
difference.”
(Frederic
Neibuhr)
Today is the day to write your next
chapter. It is the day to take all the experiences you have had,
those that made you stronger and those that gave you joy. It is time
to create your next story to create more meaning and richness in
your life. Go for it! You know you can!!
Things To Think About
“Life is the sum of all your choices.”
Albert Camus
“Wanna fly, you got to give up the
“stuff” that weighs you
down.” Toni Morrison
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